Hello everyone,
It has been a long time bet you have all been wondering where I have been and what exciting adventures I have been on?
Well the truth is I haven’t been anywhere or done anything that the reasonable man in the street would call exciting. To be honest I look back over the past few months and see that practically I have acheived very little. Normally for me that would be a terrible waste of time, life and energy. I am always wanting to do things , find new adventures, fill my days with stuff!
Oh I know how to be lazy as well but nothing has come close to the lack of “activity” these past few months have seen.
There were times, many of them , when all I could do was hold my hand over my mouth to stop me from screaming as I cried so the kids wouldn’t hear my pain. But hear they did. Kids see everything.
I knew that separating from my husband of 23 years and learning how to be a capable single mum would be hard practically but I never expected it to be as difficult emotionally as it turns out to be.
Here I am the “inspiration guru” – the article, book and blog writer, whose skill lies in firing up your mojo so you can run a family and business and still feel empowered for yourself, and I was barely surviving.
Oh the face was painted on as required and all those years of training as an actress came in very useful. In fact most people I met marvelled at my strength and positivity. I believe in faking it till you make it but even faking it was getting harder and harder to do.
My agenda for 2011 just slipped away. Days of inefficiency grew into weeks and then months. My GP was concerned. I saw three different counsellors for assessment. The house became messier; my waistline expanded.
Not diagnosed with depression but severe anxiety and a very low mood their main conclusion was that I was reeling from an abusive relationship and should join a local group facilitated by Women’s Aid. Women’s Aid
Now I have worked in the past with Women’s Aid and know it to be a great organisation and , without going into the ins and outs of my marriage, yes I could see how I might fit in to the profile BUT I am not a VICTIM!
And I won’t behave like one.
So I went home and started just doing stuff. Small things at first like hanging out the washing.
Hanging out the washing? Yes, if you have ever been depressed you will understand . The simplest of jobs seem impossible. Much easier ( if less economical and environmentally poisonous) is to just use the dryer.
And the huge satisfaction I felt bringing in and folding the first breaths of spring time. REBIRTH!
The sun was glorious, the birds were singing and my gorgeous youngest daughter was delighted to help.
A simple decision. A simple act. One small step for womenkind but one giant step for me!
A few weeks later and I am feeling a lot more like, well… me. I am writing again. I am back on track with work. I am sorting the finances and exercising again; in short I am “normal”.
I am not quite firing on all rockets but at least the tank has been refuelled.
So why share with you this extremely personal tale?
Because, during this time, so many friends shared their stories with me.
During the past few months I received hugs – virtual and real from all over the world. Women who had been through a painful divorce , bereavement or separation whose words, support and inspiring messages gave me hope and told me not to give up.
Many of you will know that I am a huge fan of Donny Osmond. In his autobiography “Life is just what you make it” he talks candidly about his “lost” years. I was there. A devoted , love sick fan who stood beneath his hotel room window for hours a day to see him and offer him a hug. I was “lucky” in some ways because I witnessed his struggle to get back into the music industry. I saw his determination to succeed against all the advice of everyone around him – except his family, close friends and the small loyal group of followers I was part of.
Back then one couldn’t give his CDs away. Now he plays sell out stadium tours.
In his book he talks about the many long , lonely nights in his hotel room in London. This was in 1987. With him was a copy of Peter Gabriel’s “So” CD ( he was recording at Peter Gabriel’s recording studio at the time). The one song he played over and over and over again was Peter and Kate Bush’s “Don’t Give up”. Donny cites it as being a ray of hope in his dark existence and if you read the lyrics below it’s easy to see why.
We all have tough times. We all have periods of our lives when it feels like we will never, ever, see happiness again.
I am an optimistic person but recently I was pushed to my very limit. Without the support of family and friends… who knows…
If you are experiencing trouble at the moment here is my gift to you. A beautiful song – a powerful message.
We are here for you. we are your friends All you have to do is decide to move towards us.
Each day one more small step.
Don’t Give Up.
To view the video and listen to this haunting song click on the link:
Don’t give up.
Don\'t Give Up Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush
Don’t Give Up Lyrics ( 1986)
In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail
No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I’ve changed my face, I’ve changed my name
But no-one wants you when you lose
Don’t give up
‘cos you have friends
Don’t give up
You’re not beaten yet
Don’t give up
I know you can make it good
Though I saw it all around
Never thought that I could be affected
Thought that we’d be last to go
It is so strange the way things turn
Drove the night toward my home
The place that I was born, on the lakeside
As daylight broke, I saw the earth
The trees had burned down to the ground
Don’t give up
You still have us
Don’t give up
We don’t need much of anything
Don’t give up
’cause somewhere there’s a place
Where we belong
Rest your head
You worry too much
It’s going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Don’t give up
Please don’t give up
Got to walk out of here
I can’t take any more
Going to stand on that bridge
Keep my eyes down below
Whatever may come
And whatever may go
That river’s flowing
That river’s flowing
Moved on to another town
Tried hard to settle down
For every job, so many men
So many men no-one needs
Don’t give up
’cause you have friends
Don’t give up
You’re not the only one
Don’t give up
No reason to be ashamed
Don’t give up
You still have us
Don’t give up now
We’re proud of who you are
Don’t give up
You know its never been easy
Don’t give up
’cause I believe there’s a place
There’s a place where we belong.
Lyrics source: http://artists.letssingit.com/kate-bush-lyrics-dont-give-up-feat-peter-gabriel-qqqf9nw#ixzz1NMnmFJfI
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